A little down, but holdin' steady

The last couple of days has been a little tough. I'm trying to retain my positive attitude so I am only going to write positive things.

Casey made me laugh yesterday when he was excited about finding a computer game he wanted to play. I put in the CD and the game started up. His face is just beaming with excitement and he clasps his hands together. "I'm prepared to be ready!" He exclaims. "That's just something I say when I'm ready." He clarifies. He cracks me up.

Ronnie took the kids to the park this past weekend and then they went to Nanny and PawPaw's. They waited around for awhile because Nanny was supposed to go buy and new puppy. They went and picked up Ladd, their new border collie. He's black and white and oh so cute. Aria spent the night and Ladd followed her everywhere and slept at her feet all night. She didn't want to leave.

Aria is growing up in leaps and bounds. We are butting heads a bit but only because I haven't earned her trust yet and we don't know how to connect on a deeper level. We'll get there though. I just have to remember to be on her side.

Connor is still, Connor. He loves to play and he is a riot and a half. He wore his Superman costume all day yesterday. He got some cute looks in the Sam's. He even told me to call him Superman, not Connor.

We all spent a good amount of time outside the past few days because it has been unbelievably beautiful weather. I love it like this and it makes me second guess my decision to move back to MN. Especially, now that I am meeting new people and finding new things to do. I don't think I will be able to do this in MN. We'll see how it goes though. We may not ever have enough money to move or maybe we'll make so much that we can fly up there more often. The future is unwritten and we can influence the path it takes.

I took a great walk Saturday. I thought about all kinds of stuff and it felt great to exercise a bit. I want to become a cleaner person. More pure of body and more pure of heart. It's a difficult task for me because I am a habitual self-soother. I'm like a thumbsucker. I want things to stay comfortable and when they are not I eat or cry or get angry or veg out on the computer. I do anything that will gloss over the discomfort I'm feeling. Anyway, fruits, veggies and grains usually don't soothe me half as well as a big slice of chocolate cake.

I'm finding my motivation though. I feel myself beginning to love myself and, therefore, I can make difficult choices for the right reasons. Like eat well because it's healthy and not because it will cause me to lose weight and be 'attractive' to some faceless population who could really care less about me.

Ronnie and I were a little distant this weekend (my fault), but he's doing what he can to make some little changes that will help in the long run. He's still making my coffee every morning and taking out the trash. He's taking the children places and spending more time with them. He's keeping his game playing to a minimum. He's trying to find extra work. He's still getting up everyday and going to a job he hates. He's looking into programming school. He's trying to keep his mind open to new ideas and life changing experiences. He's a great man.

Positive energy out, positive energy in.