Thursday, January 31, 2008

A very unschooly evening

I was less then patient with the children today, but the day ended well. We did a very unschooly thing and went to the park at 9 o'clock this evening. It was cold and invigorating and perfect. Casey asked Ronnie, "Daddy, am I dreaming?" Ronnie told him no he wasn't dreaming. Casey says, "Good I like it when I'm not dreaming." In the past, we wouldn't have considered going out on a Thursday evening in the cold to play in the dark. I would have said, no it's too late, it's too cold. But most of the time these days I think, why not? Connor wasn't ready to leave, poor baby. He was asleep before we got home.

Sweet unschooling.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Its quiet

Connor and I are the only ones home this morning and I have laryngitis so its really quiet. The two older kids are at Nanny's house. I was just thinking, I can do this. I thinking about unschooling, but what I think my heart is really telling me is that I can be happy. Happy with my life, my children, my husband and myself.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I haven't been a very good mom today

I've been totally engrossed with online forums and stuff today. The kids and I haven't done much together today. I'm learning a lot, though, and solidifying my decision to unschool and even helping my husband to see its merits.

I've been thinking a lot about living by principles and I really believe that's the way to live. It was always the way I thought as a child and even as a new mother. Things fell into categories like unkind, honest, love, hate, respect.

As a young person I was full of ideals and ideas which over time became rules and gospel, unyielding and unthinking. We have to focus on the principles of joyful life. Making up rules is like putting a band aid on an injury but not finding out what's causing the injury in the first place. There will never be enough rules and enforcement to make someone believe in a principle. In fact, that person is probably going to behave in the exact opposite way because they are rebelling again the imposed law.

I can give my children 80 rules that relate to loving each other, but that won't make them love each other. It might make them resent each other. We can talk about what it means to show love to one another and demonstrating it by doing loving things for them will make them want to love.

My god, there have been so many things that I have taken for granted. How many times, as a child, did I hear, you have to love her she's your sister? How many times have I said that to my children? How many times have I said that to myself? None of us has to love anybody. We chose to love one another. We chose to show love to one another.

I love my children because I chose to cherish their precious, precarious lives on this planet. I cherish them because human beings deserve to be cherished. They are special in this enormous universe because they can appreciate the enormity of it. They can understand their smallness in it. They are capable of appreciating what a valuable jewel they are amidst the sparkling jewels of the stars. We are such small, insignificant little lives, here on this Earth, with such magnificent worth. It's our fragility and our power that makes us so valuable. What other creature in the Universe can do what we do or create what we create?

Monday, January 28, 2008

Lazy mornings

I love sitting here with my three children in the morning. We can all slowly welcome the day. We talk a little, snuggle a lot, watch cartoons and just generally enjoy the morning. I couldn't ask for a better beginning to my day. But I feel its time to get up and get moving now. It could be that Connor is demanding "Let's go! Pinpon! Let's go, Mommy!" :)

The day has been very quiet. Aria is mourning Reba and has been melocholy all day. She wrote a sweet letter to the dog about how great she was. She is disturbed about the fact that her Nanny is taking the dog to the vet today and she is wondering what is happening. I think maybe she would feel better if she knew exactly what time it was happening, but she couldn't get a hold of Nanny. It is a bizarre thing to know that this is the day that someone you know is gonna die. She's dealing with it in her introverted way.

I found a cheerleading group that starts in August, but that is a long time away. It would give me time to try to make the money we'd need to get her into it. I just don't think that would be very satisfying and it would upset me if she didn't like after earning the money. Then again if gains something from it and it can be eliminated from the buffet of life then maybe its worth it.

Casey and Connor played outside for a while and had a good time throwing things around. They've been playing video games together for a little while now. They've all gotten along well today. Aria, Connor and I went for a walk around the block and talked a little about our block. The day was wet but the temp was so perfect, a little cool, but not cold. The air smelled fresh.

Connor has taken to sitting on the counter tops. He sat next to the fridge for 15 minutes today, just eating some dry cereal and watching Aria and I look at videos on the Internet. He sat on my lap in the rocking chair for a long time today too. I can't say how much I love that.

Aria looked up all kinds of puppies and kitties for Nanny. Cool she's learning to research, I thought. Later, Ronnie showed her how to look up an address on Google maps and get directions from our house. She was reluctant at first because it stank of learning, but she thought it was cool. (She felt the same about my "hot air balloon" video.) There is learning going on here.

Yesterday, we went to the park and played in the creek. We threw rocks and got our feet wet. It was a really good time. We chased a spider into the grass and walked the drainage ditch under the road. I really love getting outside. It feels like we've accomplished something really important whenever we spend some time outside everyday.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

We did a lot

We went to our first unschooling get-together. It was fun and a little overwhelming. The kids had a GREAT time. Ronnie had a good time. I think he actually got to talk more to some of the adults that were there then I did. He felt it was an eye-opening experience. That's what I was hoping for. Casey and Aria both ran around outside a bunch and made some new friends.

Two of the boys there jumped in the pool outside and then had to have their clothes dried. One of them got frustrated with something and yelled, "What are you a bunch of stupid Canadians!" It was pretty hilarious. None of my kids wanted to leave.

I can't wait until the next get-together. I'd like to talk more to the moms who have been doing this for a while. Like Leslie. She seems so at ease with it all.

Moving on, I took Aria and Casey to McKinney yesterday to a Hannah Montana themed "party" at a cell phone store. Aria got up in front of everybody and sang with a Hannah Montana track. I was so proud of her. She was very nervous. She said, "I'm still shaking," as we were leaving. Then we stopped and got some french fries and played a little.

The Nussells came over and we played the 80's game. I won. Woo Who. Poor Connor was soooo tired. I finally lay down with him and he went to sleep very quickly.

Today, we are all still in our jammies at 11:00 am and I'm not feeling well. We are going to go to Ronnie's mom and dad's later to say good bye to Reba. She's really having a tough time and they are going to put her down Monday. Sad, sad.

I'm going to look for things to do in the next few weeks and I am going to get my jewelry listing fixed up and reposted.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Cuddle time

The boys and I had great cuddle time this morning. I thought, we couldn't do this if we had to hurry up and get ready for school every morning. Casey and I had a talk about his missing his old friends at preschool. I hope he has fun tomorrow at the meet and greet and I hope we meet some good people that we can hang out with often. Aria is up now and I need to spend some time with her.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

So far

Its been quiet around here this morning, so far. Connor snuggled with me this morning and it feels so good when he snuggles with me. Casey played on the computer and snuggled with me for just a bit this morning. Aria slept until noon and we are watching That Darn Cat. We finished Alice in Wonderland last night and Casey was still talking about it this morning. He had some issues with her size. Was Alice small when she was in Looking Glassland? If she was, then wouldn't she be bigger then the Jabberwocky in real life? When she got back through the mirror why was the Jabberwocky still bigger then she was? What logic! I love it.

Connor was just on the computer wanting to play Club Penguin and he knew he needed to type a name and password. He said " MMMMMyyyyy Naaaaamme," as he's typing globbly gook. Then, he very delibertly clicked on the password section and did the same thing. Finally, he clicks login and sits back to wait as it does its thing. When it doesn't login he says, "Awwww," and begins the process over again. It was so humorous Ronnie and I just watched him do it for little bit. Connor is looking at the login screen like, "What the hell, I typed in mmmmmyyyy nnaaaaaame." I went over and logged him on then and he was satisfied.

Ronnie and I watched a movie together. It was called The Reckoning. It was pretty good. Wilem Defoe's fake accent was annoying, but other then that it was good.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I'm sick

I felt okay this morning but have steadily gotten worse. My throat is killing me. Hopefully, Ronnie can get home soon. I hope I'm over this by Friday. I don't want to miss the Meet and Greet.

Aside, from the sore throat its been a good day. The kids and I all laid on the floor and watch Alice in Wonderland. (The one with Red Buttons in it.) They seemed to really enjoy it. I did, too. I remember watching it as a kid and the Jabberwocky scared the crap out of me. Connor didn't find it as mesmerizing as we did. He thought it was more fun to throw chicken nuggets at us and roll around on top of us.

Casey is engrossed in Word Girl right now and Aria is watching The Game Plan. She played some Zwinky this morning. She and Casey had some problems this morning but have been fine since. She feels like I'm on his side and not hers. I told her I was sorry it seemed that way and that I certainly didn't want her to feel that way. I said I want her to feel like I will always be on her side. I told her, again, to come to me if she's having a problem with him so I can help them work it out before someone gets hurt. She seemed to be relieved. I hope I can make that part of our relationship better.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

What a nice day!

Aria and I had some wonderful time together today. She came and sat on my lap while we watched part of Bring It On. (A cheerleading movie.) I appreciated the strength and talent the characters in the movie exhibited, but I didn't appreciate all the overt sexuality in the movie. They said ass every other word and it was really distracting. What was really nice, though, is that we both gasped at an impressive move in one of the competition scenes and I loved that we could share that moment. Later, at Nanny and Pawpaw's, Aria let me read to her for like an hour. It was such good time together.

Casey got to go to Nanny and PawPaw's all by himself for most of the day. It was really quite around her without him. I read to him in the dark with flashlights and then we made shadow puppets. That was fun.

When we pulled up to Nanny's street we stopped at Dylan and Megan's house and dropped Aria off to play. We pulled away and Connor said "Dylan and Megan's house" and then when he saw Nanny and PawPaw's he said "Candy!". hehehe

I also talked to a homeschooling mom near here. She's got a little girl around Aria's age. I'm hoping we can play together sometime soon. We had a good day.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

This morning

I like when Connor comes into our room in the morning and throws his little arm over my neck. He's a great snuggler. He likes to make funny faces at me and kisses me until I get up and get him some breakfast. He's enjoying himself to the fullest right now with a balloon. "Funny!" He says as he's trying to keep the balloon from touching the floor.

Casey and I got some snuggle time on the couch while he watched cartoons. He likes to tell me about the funny things the characters do. I love that he can tell a story and he's so understandable.

Aria is online.

Friday, January 18, 2008


Connor was funny today with his monster voice and then he was singing I love you, you love me in his sweet voice. Only it was more like "I wove you. You wove you." It was cute. He played computer bowling a bunch and he played a little bit on Starfall. I love to see him really thinking about what he's seeing. We had a great time blowing up a balloon and letting it go to fly around the room. He laughed to hard at that. "Again." He'd demand.

Casey was content to watch tv most of the day. The weather was kinda dreary and I think the kids felt content to relax today. Adan came over to watch a little tv with Casey and they played in some of the boxes I'd emptied. Later, he came into the bathroom where I was trying to relax in the bath. I said, "Can you go out. I'd like to be alone for awhile." He said, "I wanna be in here with you Mommy. I love you." What can you say to that? Sweet. Then he left and came back about 34 times while I was in there. Connor fell asleep outside the bathroom door. He was all tucked up with his knees under him. I felt bad, like he was waiting on mommy to come rock him and he couldn't hold out, poor baby.

Aria did her thing on MySpace, YouTube, and played a couple of games. She was really broken up this evening because I was angry with her for being mean to Casey. Then she wanted to run away and the only thing that would make life better was if she had a cell phone and a Wii. I don't know what to say to that. I tried to be sympathic. I told her that if we could get those things for her we'd get them right now. But she was so dejected because she knows we can't afford them any time in the foreseeable future. I don't know exactly how to be with my sweet girl. I want to be supportive of her and at the same time I am frustrated with my inability to help her.

Ronnie came in from work and went straight to Aria to comfort her over the distruption that we had between her and Casey. It's really nice to know that my kids have a daddy that cares about them. Ronnie held down the fort for me while I took a loooong bath. He played with the kiddos a bit. He's been really tired lately. I hope that gets better. I'm trying to stay positive and its a lot easier when he's positive also. It gives me hope for change.

Anyway, I think I will try to blog daily about all the good and sweet and funny things that happen here with the kids so I can keep my eyes open to all the happiness going on in this house.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I get to be with my kids

I get to be with my kids. Everyday. I get to witness every moment of their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. They are complete and wonderful human beings packed into little bodies. I get to be the one to introduce most of the new things in their lives. I get to watch them change as they make new discoveries in their lives. I get to witness the hilarious moments that become immortalized for later use as stories for my future grandchildren. Remember. Meditate. Actualize.