Lessons

It is that there is no such thing as Radical Unschooling or Unschooling. I felt that RU was category of parenting/educating and every interaction I had fell into RU or Mainstream, right or wrong.

There have been situations in the last few months were I didn't know how to react to my children. I have had the distinct feeling that there was a way I should react in those situations, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't want to do the "wrong" thing so I did nothing.

Finally, I began to understand what the other mindful parents online were trying to tell me. RU is not about dealing with every situation correctly. It's not gonna happen. I have learned from my mistakes in every other part of my life and adjusted my behavior accordingly. Since, I became a parent I have encountered many situations in which I learned what not to do.

It is the same with changing the way I interact with my children because I want to be a mindful parent. I will screw up and I will revert back to my habitual reactions, but I can choose to learn from it. I can formulate a better reaction for next time. That's something new for me, too. I used to make a lot of excuses for bad reactions. I feel that I was reinforced by the messages around me. I seems like parenting articles are all about cutting yourself slack and understanding that many parents are making the same mistakes. It's almost as if the message is "you don't have to feel bad about screwing up because everyone does and no is perfect". There's a difference between understanding that mistakes are unavoidable and taking responsibility to change and just making excuses for yourself.

I can see why some parents might be a little nervous when new unschoolers like me start throwing the term around like a badge, like we belong to some exclusive club. It's not a sorority, it's a state of being. It's a mind set that allows you to see your children as people. It allows you to care about your children's feelings, desires, wants, and needs without that huge "I'm the parent" ego trip.

It doesn't give you all the right answers. An unschooling parent is just like any other parent, learning as you go. The difference is that the children in an unschooling family are co-pilots in the direction their lives take, instead of along for the bumpy ride.